The Nazi Boat

We were prisoners. The Nazi soldiers were keeping us in line on a concrete pier. We were queuing up to board on an old wooden boat. The boat was big and rundown, the paint was peeling off. It had a big room in the middle. I finally came to the end of the queue. Hitler was there. We came face to face. He ordered me to go on the boat through a narrow gangway. I followed his orders.

I boarded on the boat and went inside the room. Inside this room there was another queue of prisoners. In the middle of the room there was a pile of dead bodies all dressed in white and blue striped pyjamas. Behind this pile there was a table and sitting at this table was an SS soldier with a machine gun. His machine gun was resting on the table and he seemed to be the one in charge. I was scared shitless and a sickening feeling rose to my stomach.

I noticed that the SS soldier was in fact LL Cool J.

The prisoners were taken into groups and ordered to change into the white and blue pyjamas. Then they had to stand in front of the pile of dead bodies until they were shot by LL Cool J. Their dead bodies then fell onto the pile thus sparing the soldiers from having to drag the dead bodies onto the pile once they were shot. Efficient bastards I thought.

My time was up. I began feeling drowsy with fear. I changed into these dirty pyjamas and went in front of the pile of dead bodies. I was the first in my group so I waited for the rest of the batch of prisoners to come next to me. As I was waiting something amazing happened. A friend of mine emerged from the queue of prisoners behind me with a machine gun. It was Amante (this is his real name in real life). He pointed the machine gun towards LL Cool J and ordered him to give up.

There was a long moment of suspense. My life depended on the outcome of this confrontation between the LL Cool J and Amante. LL Cool J was trying to decide whether to grab the gun and have a go at shooting Amante or give up and let us all go. It seemed like the longest wait in my life.

Finally LL Cool J sat back in his chair and said "We cool." The prisoners started cheering and all was good. I felt an immense sense of relief. Amante had saved the day.

the end

Dreamt on the night of 23.01.2006

The night before:
Food: Penne with cream and chorizo. Doughnuts. Nachos.
Drink: Tea

Fencing Lessons

Fencing! I suddenly realised that fencing was the one sport that I always wanted to practise. I became intrigued by this upper class sport, a close-combat duel between two gentlemen fighting for their honour, the sabres, the masks, the protective gear … for some reason fencing seemed liked THE sport I had to get into.

I was in Malta at the time and I had no idea where I had to go to get lessons in fencing. After some enquires and internet researching I managed to find out about this old lady who gave fencing lessons in her apartment in Valletta. I was told that she lived on her own and that she was once a professional fencing athlete back in her days.

So I went to Valletta in search of this old fencing mistress. Just before entering into the gates of the city I met two friends, Forky and Delli, two cousins. I told them about my newly-found passion for fencing and that I was looking for a fencing mistress whom I was told lived in Valletta. They seemed to be quite amused by my new hobby. They also assured me that they knew where this fencing coach lived. Forky told me that he would take me there only if I agreed to accompany them to see their grandmother who was in a square in Valletta.

I agreed to follow them to their grandmother. So we went in through the gates of Valletta and into the square where their grandmother was. She was sitting on a chair in the middle of the square and she looked very old. Without warning, Forky pulled down his trousers and defecated on the ground in front of his grandmother shouting “Look Nanna! Look!!” He was laughing his head off. Delli seemed to find it funny too. I just looked on in wonder at this sight, one half of me disgusted, the other mildly amused.

I decided that it was time for me to leave so I turned to Delli and asked him to tell me where the fencing mistress lived. He told me that she lived close to one of the large columns that surrounded Valletta. In my dream, Valletta was surrounded by enormous columns.

So I set off to find the old lady’s apartment. After some walking and enquiries with the locals I managed to find her apartment. It was found in an old tenement building at the edge of the city next to one of the huge columns. I knocked on the door and the old fencing mistress opened the door for me. She had long frizzy hair and her wrinkled face was all caked up in make-up.

She invited me in. Her apartment consisted of two rooms joined by a small corridor. It was very dark and bare and it was lit by candles. I walked into the second room. There were two pupils practising with sabres. Without any introductions, she handed me a sabre and told me to get in line with the other pupils and start practising. So I went next to other pupils and started waving the sabre about in the air, lunging at the wall.

the end

Dreamt on the night of 17.01.2006

The night before:
Food: Don't remember.
Drink: Don't remember.